SCAWWY ⇢ KARLACH (FLURRY)

[shirtbag]

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[shirtbag]

[ me sweating over my tags like is this an au or a memory IDK ANYTHING ANYMORE

lets his hair be tugged ]

Ya' mean when that whole mess was goin' on? I ain't even gonna pretend I knew what that was about.

[ pulls them into a vision of an alternate universe...

Boothill bursts through the hospital doors, trying to catch his breath. He rushes to the front desk and slams his hands on the counter.

"Karlach ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ ! Room ▇▇▇▇ ! I need that visitor's pass, now!"

The receptionist and nurses surrounding him attempt to calm him down, their eyes filled with sympathy. One of them, a male with dark hair cropped to his scalp, quietly leads him on down the hallway.

"I'm so sorry," he says, opening the door to the hospital room. "There was nothing we could do for her. The operation itself was a success, but... I'm afraid the side effects are permanent. She'll have to live this way from now on. You may want to sit down."

"No..." Boothill wipes his face and takes off his cowboy hat from his bald head. He rubs his head too. "I'll be fine. I just gotta see it for myself."

They reach the bed where Karlach lies, reclined and sleeping, hooked up to various machines and IVs. Her face is covered by a piece of cloth.

"Take a deep breath, Mister Hill," the doctor warns softly. He removes the cloth.

Boothill nearly cries out in agony. Beneath that cloth lies the new face of the woman he loves—

No, not Karlach. Karly. ]

[ablazement]

[every time i try to read this tag i just honklaugh for like five minutes

i don't think karlach even knows what to do with this she just like - goes ????????]

Karly?

[WHY IS THAT WHAT YOU HAVE THE MOST ISSUE WITH]

[shirtbag]

[ boothill whips his head to look at her immediately.

he reaches up to hold her face and look it over. turns it a little to look at both sides. OH THANK GOD. ]

Muddle-fudger! Scared the blue forkin' blazes outta me!

[ablazement]

[she lets him do this, just absolutely :tails: in general]

That was worse than the doll thing, I think! [pouty...] I suppose I don't look terrible without hair, but the face... nightmarish. Worse than death.

[shirtbag]

Doll thing? [ THE MUPPETS?

either way he just. pulls her down for a kiss because he has her. ]

You look gorgeous all the time, hair or no hair... But I gotta say, I am fudgin' glad that face ain't yours. Gonna count my blessin's every day.

[ablazement]

Yeah, Lucas was a little... doll guy. Earlier. Suguru too, but I did that one.

[she takes the kiss, tail wagging. and then pulls his hair again like she's making sure that's real.]

Also, flatterer. [peeks back at the mirror. we are clowns now.]

1/2

[shirtbag]

Oh, that. Yeah, I carried Lucas 'round in one of them little bags we got from the mall.

[ lucas ita bag. he lets his hair get pulled and grabs her wrist with a grin. ]

'Ey. [ don't make him pin you... ] Anyway, that was you...?

2/2

[shirtbag]

[ THEY'RE CLOWNS!!! boothill has no clown art so assigns him classic clown with a red nose and rainbow hair. HE STAGGERS BACKWARD AND ALMOST FALLS ]

Screwwubba— What in tarnation?!

[ HIS KARLACH ]

[ablazement]

[HELP SHE JUST LAUGHS AT THIS ONE at least she's not yassified this time]

-- Oh, this is like the circus! [cackling, as she also almost falls over with him]

Wait, is it actually there? It took forever to get off before. [looks at him in the mirror] Oh, no, I can't abide by the nose, I'm sorry, sweetheart.

[shirtbag]

[ IS IT THERE. he's ready to look at her face again to make sure they don't need to long rest right there in delululemon, but— ]

Now hang on just a second there, partner!

[ grabs her waist and locks her in!!! ]

You ain't gonna leave me in the dust 'cause you don't like my nose!

[ablazement]

[it's not actually there it's just in the mirror, though imagine they did just have to immediately long rest in the delululemon]

I just can't do it! [she says dramatically, clearly kidding as she puts the back of her hand to her forehead. her tail wraps around his ankle.] It's so tragic. I've got to leave you because of clown nonsense, always knew it would end this way...

[shirtbag]

Always knew you were gonna leave me 'cause of clowns?! Why you little...

[ kisses her neck over and over and TICKLES HER ]

[ablazement]

[SQUEAKS]

Aaaah, Boots -- ! [she is SO ticklish which is why she probably knocks them both over for real squirming away from his hands, wheeeee timber

and then there's an au memshare world of the hells...

except it's all bright, neon colors and plastics, like a mcdonald's playplace. a portal opens, and two figures stagger out of it and into the horrible deep fryer heat of avernus. karlach, with clown makeup and a polka-dot dress, and boothill, in a rainbow wig and enormous clown shoes with spurs on the back.

"It worked... my engine's calmed down," clownlach says, exhaling. "Ah, soldier, I shouldn't have let you come here with me. Zariel's not going to let up."

boothonk just cocks his gun, looking out at the hoard of imps that approach. a tiny car revs as hits a ramp and takes off into the sky, unleashing hundreds of the imps from inside it. their screams carry across the whimsical scenery. clownlach grimaces.

"But together we'll end this war, isn't that right?" she says, as heroic music builds up in the background. boothonk agrees, letting out a series of squeaky sounds, and clownlach is so overwhelmed with affection that she grabs him and dips him into a very dramatic kiss.

a pause. real karlach, on the floor, just goes:]

What!

[shirtbag]

[ WAAAAH falling doesn't stop him, he just grabs her from behind, pulls her in, and keeps kissing her neck.

UNTIL THEY GET TRANSPORTED TO CLOWN HELL. THEN HE IS LIKE. ???? ]

What in blue forkin' blazes did I just see?! What the— Why I ain't speakin' in words?!

[ THIS IS THE WORST EFFECT EVER SAVE THEM ]

[ablazement]

[she's like wheezing she's laughing so hard at this, mostly because he's so baffled by it.]

Like a little squeaky dog toy! Why was the hells clown vomit! [ABSOLUTELY BONKERS] Gods, like this place couldn't get any weirder.

[shirtbag]

[ CLOWN VOMIT HELP

unfortunately this might take this thread in another direction but he has to ask: ]

That was the hells?

[ablazement]

[she makes a face.]

Well, it's not normally so bright. But - yeah, that's it.

[shirtbag]

Don't know why I thought it might not be so literal. Nope... Looks like the real thing.

[ Hell. ]

Probably be worse with all the bright forkin' clown nonsense.

[ablazement]

Oh, yeah, it's - fire and brimstone, horrible horned dickheads crawling out of the dirt to kill you, all that. Very honest.

[bleh. they are just on the floor she's given up on standing up in the delululemon]

I think the clown nonsense makes it more terrifying, actually! Someone ought to pitch that to Zariel. Not me. Someone else.

[shirtbag]

[ he has no problem with this! his hat is lying somewhere around here, but he's happy just spooning on the floor. sorry everyone else. ]

Fudge. That Zariel forker ain't met her maker just yet?

[ablazement]

[she wrinkles her nose, sprawled out.]

No, but I'd figure it won't happen anytime soon. She's an archduke of the Hells, it'd take some serious firepower.

[shirtbag]

[ props himself up on his arm. ]

You think a tall red lady tough as nails and a cyborg cowboy ain't enough to take her out?

[ablazement]

[peers up at him...]

Might be, but. [she sounds unsure.] I don't want anything to happen to you.

[shirtbag]

[ cute... kisses her cheek. ]

I'd move heaven and earth for ya' if you wanted. If you don't wanna bother, ain't no problem with that neither.

[ablazement]

[tilts her face right up into the kiss.]

Honestly, soldier, she hasn't got anything on me anymore. No heart, no deal, no nothing. She can rot in the Hells while I'm out with you in the sun. That's heaven on earth, yeah? That's what I want.

[a little smile.]

I did revenge already. It didn't feel good for me, even though it really should've.