[ everything is all right. better now that she's lying back against the pillows. he gives her time, not letting go of her hand. he works past his confusion in the moment, reminding himself of where they are, what might have happened to her. ]
Daan and Nehan all right. They're still here in this town, just like us. [ prays that daan gets out of the breakin safely rip ] What commotion?
The... last night. [she says, finally. her brain is soup, she is trying her best.] We were going to go out, but one of the demons ripped through Nehan, and - Vin and Astarion, they had the eyes. So they had to be.
[she swallows hard.]
... I was doing the right thing, I thought. Was I?
[ soup brain karlach... all of her emotions keep pouring out of her as she struggles with her own thoughts. it makes his human heart ache. demons? eyes? nehan, vin, astarion? what did she see? ]
You did the best you could. You always do.
[ he smooths the hair away from karlach's face, runs his fingers through it in what he hopes is a soothing gesture. ]
You've gotta relax now, all right? Nehan's still here. Vin and Astarion—they're on the livin' side. Best thing you can do now is drink some water and get some rest.
[it is soothing, and she exhales, leaning into it, but.]
I don't know. [did she do the best she could? maybe she should've fought it harder. drink some water, get some rest, he says, and she holds his hand a little more tightly. closes her eyes, actually, because her head is pounding.]
You don't remember. [she asks, after a moment.] I chased you down. I put an axe in your spine.
[...]
Familiar, that.
[axe to the spine, chainsaw to the chest. what's the difference.]
there's a tangle of feelings: worry when she leans into him. confusion over why he was chased and killed. but this town gives you choices, reasons to do the very thing that will kill you inside. he tries to remember that even as this pierces him in the heart—the same way a blow to the heart or the spine might have done.
he eases away that confusion. he looks at their joined hands and places the other on the bed again, out of her hair. ]
I don't remember it 'cause it didn't happen. You gotta believe me on that, all right? I know how real it must've felt, but I've been here the whole time.
[there's guilt - so, so much of it. sadness, and exhaustion, and - all the emotions from earlier in the week, when she slid into bed with him and talked about what she did to rondo.
it didn't happen, not really. that's good to know. she trusts him - he'll feel that, too. the absolute trust that she has in him.]
M'tired of killing people I love. [she says, finally, turning on her side so she can curl instead of lay out flat.]
[ sad day... nu told me that the drinks lose their potency after the party ends so i cannot give her soft skin cuddles. their wine bottles are just juice now....
more importantly, he can't deny that solid, steady, and all-encompassing trust. as she rested, boothill grappled with the reality that holding something precious means that losing it can be world-ending. it's why he declared himself dead and joined the galaxy rangers. he had nothing left to lose until her. is that good or bad?
then she turns onto her side, curls up into herself. he forgoes all other thought but sliding beneath the covers and gathering her against him. the padding of his jacket softens his hold as he wraps an arm around her waist. he holds her cheek, pressing kisses to her forehead. there's nothing else but boundless care and concern. ]
I know, sweetheart. I know you are. [ he kisses her cheek, the corner of her mouth. ] We're getting out of this mess. I promise we are. You're safe now, all right? I've got you.
it's okay, she likes the metal one still, this is fine. he settles in with her without hesitation, and she wraps her arms around him without any issue at all, clinging. there's a sense of comfort that comes with it. he has her, she's safe. she believes it. gratitude follows, mingling with his concern and care, the tension and fear and upset fading slightly as he kisses her forehead.
karlach takes a moment to wrap the blanket snugly around the two of them, and lets those words sink in.
it takes a while for her to say anything else, but when she does, she sounds a little more lucid. the soup brain is less present, which is why she can manage:]
... Thank you. For saving me twice. [from the fish tank and the cemetery, she means.]
[ with the blanket snug around them and their limbs still locked, boothill lies there in silence with her, allowing space for her to cry or speak or fall asleep. his hand runs over her back in soothing strokes, and he presses more kisses over her forehead, her damp cheeks, her closed eyelids.
the brain soup is now less soupy... he can hear in her voice that her mind's a little more clear. that's good.
he pauses after her thanks. then, quietly: ]
Just a magnet for trouble, ain't ya?
[ teasing a little, but it quickly dies away. he tightens his hold around her a little bit. the emotions are fear, guilt, sorrow, and worry. ]
I didn't save ya' from nothin'. ...Not like this place would let me even if I tried.
[a little snort, at that. also, ow, because the snort hurts her head, but like. yeah, he's not wrong. she is a trouble magnet. maybe she will just take some time to be Less of that for a while, because this has been a trying week.
he tightens his hold, and she takes his hand and brings it to her lips, trying to ease a little bit of those emotions.]
Daan said you stopped me from drowning, so - let me say it. [she says, soft.] And let me say sorry. For scaring you.
[ wow who would app a character to a murdergame just to have them be Troubled all the time by people they love... (me, please kill her as many times as you want)
he slowly bumps his forehead onto hers and looks at her intently. ]
I ain't worried for me. Do you know how much hell you went through in one day?
[it takes a minute for her to sort through it, to figure out what even happened. her brain is less scrambled, but.]
I thought I grew up where I was. [she says, finally.] I thought I was someone made to kill demons, but they weren't demons. I think they were just people.
[she shivers - and then settles into a consistent tremble, pressing her face against his chest. there's sweat, where he's stroking her hair back.]
Had me on drugs that warped my mind, made me see shit that wasn't there.
[ his heart breaks he holds her tighter, presses her to the front of his padded jacket. this one is long-sleeved, meant to make him softer and easier to hold her with.
this sounds familiar. he'd seen a memory from that person's mind—watched and felt them be drugged from behind their eyes. he was human in that moment also, feeling it rush through his body, changing him, making him sweat. ]
Just like bein' infected by that monster. It fed on all that guilt you have.
[ he kisses her forehead and leans down to kiss her cheek. there's a flare of frustration and hatred for this terrible town. ]
[she takes those kisses easily. there's little pings of comfort that she feels, each time he does. he knows how much, how well, she responds to touch, after years and years of being unable to, and after being brainwashed and shoved into a murder society, being told to kill and not really having a choice - being in this bed with him is like sanctuary.
the padding of his jacket and the solidness of his arms grounds her, and even though she's going through some truly heinous withdrawal symptoms, she's feeling better than she was.
silence, for a moment. then:]
Yeah. Just really drilling in how awful I feel about Rondo. [...] The hotel was fucked, too. Not... not as much, but -- shit, I really need to sort this out with him.
[ they'll both have to weather through those symptoms as they come. boothill won't be leaving her side unless absolutely necessary, to fetch her food or water or any supplies. daan or nehan will be on speed dial to help.
boothill also makes a mental note to contact lucas. he might have some idea of how to mitigate these things.
he runs his hand up down karlach's back. ]
You can talk to 'im later. [ except cyoa happens so much ] You can tell me about the hotel, but only if you want.
[lucas has been helping her pretty steadily through it, and she's grateful. it's nice, to have such a stable support system here.
she's shivering, but trying to ignore it mostly as she talks.]
Just the same old. I had the chance to save Rondo and I couldn't manage. Hotel tried to make me pick between me, Rondo and Daan, and I just didn't.
Saw you, like how you were Wednesday. Like it was taunting me. [with his human body.] I'm sick of you being used against me, it's fucking rude, is what it is.
[ boothill wishes he could grasp her, wrap her in warmth to keep those shivers at bay. all he can do now is stroke her hair and comfort her in blips through small and meaningful kisses on her skin.
his human body. his voice goes low, gravely. ]
When I get my hands on these cult rats, they ain't gonna see the light of day. We'll make their lives a livin' nightmare.
[ he rests his cheek on her head. ]
Did near the same thing to me. I ain't ever gonna forgive them for makin' you go through that twofold.
[there's a little roll of thunderous fury that goes through her at the mention of the cultists, and approval, too. she exhales slow, relaxing into those little kisses.]
Yeah. I saw a bit of where I showed up. [she says, closing her eyes.] Lucas accidentally showed me when you all went.
[a pause. a bit growly:]
But I'm all for that, with the cult. I don't even need a weapon, just let me in there with my bare fucking hands. Me and you, like we said.
[ that hurts him, the idea of karlach seeing herself hanging, boothill holding her and nearly giving up the ghost right then. it was so much like his transformation on that operating table—his physical form melting away, the nigh irresistible urge to fall into a deep, unending sleep. he would have as long as her arms were back around his neck. ]
Bare hands for the both of us. Just like we said. Let's tear 'em apart.
[ that was weeks ago. it was one of the first promises they made. ]
I am sorry you had to see that. Lucas showed me what he went through too, so I got some idea of what bein' drugged up that way might've been like. I can't imagine livin' like that for more than a second.
[ he kisses her head. ]
My girl. I just want you catchin' some kinda break.
[she shifts so that she can hug him a little more tightly, arms wrapped around him as best she can manage. she did not like seeing him bleed or get absolutely destroyed by pyramid head, but he's here. and her eyes are closed, so she can't hallucinate his corpse. take that, cyoa side effects.]
You're not going to like to hear it, but I've been through worse. [a little shiver of sad, that settles back into something reassuring.] Thanks - thank you, though, I'd like a break too.
[said with a laugh, a bit wheezy.]
You stay with me, love, and I'll make it. Promise. [and there's a flicker of emotion that's more than just affection - something deeper, something more.]
[she murmurs in agreement. and - he kisses her, and something in her squirms because she knows she's all gross and full of chills and he's still being so affectionate with her. it makes her feel better.
for a moment the words she wants to say crawl up her throat and almost make it out of her mouth, but she's a little too rubbed raw emotionally to deal with it if it somehow goes wrong, so instead she just kisses him back, until she's too dizzy to keep doing it.
and then, weakly amused:]
S'a good thing whatever this is isn't contagious, you silly thing. [...] Wish you could sleep. Think you could use a nap.
[ even her weak kisses bring little sparks of happiness. he smiles. ]
I got a sleep mode. It just ain't easy to wake myself up. Might need your help in that case, if you ain't still feelin' this way when you wake up. You're shiverin' all over...
[ a feeling catches in his throat. he was ready to say it—he just needed to kiss her first, because that feeling was overwhelming. ]
Too much could go wrong in a place like this. I don't wanna take no chances with you anymore.
[ he rests his hand on her cheek, his smile ebbing away naturally, and presses his forehead to hers. his thumb strokes over her tear-stained cheek. those warm words bubble up his throat, form in his teeth and on his tongue, work past his lips and into being. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Daan and Nehan all right. They're still here in this town, just like us. [ prays that daan gets out of the breakin safely rip ] What commotion?
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The... last night. [she says, finally. her brain is soup, she is trying her best.] We were going to go out, but one of the demons ripped through Nehan, and - Vin and Astarion, they had the eyes. So they had to be.
[she swallows hard.]
... I was doing the right thing, I thought. Was I?
no subject
You did the best you could. You always do.
[ he smooths the hair away from karlach's face, runs his fingers through it in what he hopes is a soothing gesture. ]
You've gotta relax now, all right? Nehan's still here. Vin and Astarion—they're on the livin' side. Best thing you can do now is drink some water and get some rest.
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I don't know. [did she do the best she could? maybe she should've fought it harder. drink some water, get some rest, he says, and she holds his hand a little more tightly. closes her eyes, actually, because her head is pounding.]
You don't remember. [she asks, after a moment.] I chased you down. I put an axe in your spine.
[...]
Familiar, that.
[axe to the spine, chainsaw to the chest. what's the difference.]
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there's a tangle of feelings: worry when she leans into him. confusion over why he was chased and killed. but this town gives you choices, reasons to do the very thing that will kill you inside. he tries to remember that even as this pierces him in the heart—the same way a blow to the heart or the spine might have done.
he eases away that confusion. he looks at their joined hands and places the other on the bed again, out of her hair. ]
I don't remember it 'cause it didn't happen. You gotta believe me on that, all right? I know how real it must've felt, but I've been here the whole time.
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it didn't happen, not really. that's good to know. she trusts him - he'll feel that, too. the absolute trust that she has in him.]
M'tired of killing people I love. [she says, finally, turning on her side so she can curl instead of lay out flat.]
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more importantly, he can't deny that solid, steady, and all-encompassing trust. as she rested, boothill grappled with the reality that holding something precious means that losing it can be world-ending. it's why he declared himself dead and joined the galaxy rangers. he had nothing left to lose until her. is that good or bad?
then she turns onto her side, curls up into herself. he forgoes all other thought but sliding beneath the covers and gathering her against him. the padding of his jacket softens his hold as he wraps an arm around her waist. he holds her cheek, pressing kisses to her forehead. there's nothing else but boundless care and concern. ]
I know, sweetheart. I know you are. [ he kisses her cheek, the corner of her mouth. ] We're getting out of this mess. I promise we are. You're safe now, all right? I've got you.
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it's okay, she likes the metal one still, this is fine. he settles in with her without hesitation, and she wraps her arms around him without any issue at all, clinging. there's a sense of comfort that comes with it. he has her, she's safe. she believes it. gratitude follows, mingling with his concern and care, the tension and fear and upset fading slightly as he kisses her forehead.
karlach takes a moment to wrap the blanket snugly around the two of them, and lets those words sink in.
it takes a while for her to say anything else, but when she does, she sounds a little more lucid. the soup brain is less present, which is why she can manage:]
... Thank you. For saving me twice. [from the fish tank and the cemetery, she means.]
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the brain soup is now less soupy... he can hear in her voice that her mind's a little more clear. that's good.
he pauses after her thanks. then, quietly: ]
Just a magnet for trouble, ain't ya?
[ teasing a little, but it quickly dies away. he tightens his hold around her a little bit. the emotions are fear, guilt, sorrow, and worry. ]
I didn't save ya' from nothin'. ...Not like this place would let me even if I tried.
no subject
he tightens his hold, and she takes his hand and brings it to her lips, trying to ease a little bit of those emotions.]
Daan said you stopped me from drowning, so - let me say it. [she says, soft.] And let me say sorry. For scaring you.
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he slowly bumps his forehead onto hers and looks at her intently. ]
I ain't worried for me. Do you know how much hell you went through in one day?
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a pause, and then a hiccup of a laugh.]
Not ten years worth, but enough. [she hides her face again.] This place really - it's really got its claws in what upsets me.
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Tell me about it. I'm listenin'.
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I thought I grew up where I was. [she says, finally.] I thought I was someone made to kill demons, but they weren't demons. I think they were just people.
[she shivers - and then settles into a consistent tremble, pressing her face against his chest. there's sweat, where he's stroking her hair back.]
Had me on drugs that warped my mind, made me see shit that wasn't there.
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this sounds familiar. he'd seen a memory from that person's mind—watched and felt them be drugged from behind their eyes. he was human in that moment also, feeling it rush through his body, changing him, making him sweat. ]
Just like bein' infected by that monster. It fed on all that guilt you have.
[ he kisses her forehead and leans down to kiss her cheek. there's a flare of frustration and hatred for this terrible town. ]
Just downright cruel. My poor girl.
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the padding of his jacket and the solidness of his arms grounds her, and even though she's going through some truly heinous withdrawal symptoms, she's feeling better than she was.
silence, for a moment. then:]
Yeah. Just really drilling in how awful I feel about Rondo. [...] The hotel was fucked, too. Not... not as much, but -- shit, I really need to sort this out with him.
[not now, she's not getting up, but. sighs.]
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boothill also makes a mental note to contact lucas. he might have some idea of how to mitigate these things.
he runs his hand up down karlach's back. ]
You can talk to 'im later. [ except cyoa happens so much ] You can tell me about the hotel, but only if you want.
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she's shivering, but trying to ignore it mostly as she talks.]
Just the same old. I had the chance to save Rondo and I couldn't manage. Hotel tried to make me pick between me, Rondo and Daan, and I just didn't.
Saw you, like how you were Wednesday. Like it was taunting me. [with his human body.] I'm sick of you being used against me, it's fucking rude, is what it is.
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his human body. his voice goes low, gravely. ]
When I get my hands on these cult rats, they ain't gonna see the light of day. We'll make their lives a livin' nightmare.
[ he rests his cheek on her head. ]
Did near the same thing to me. I ain't ever gonna forgive them for makin' you go through that twofold.
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Yeah. I saw a bit of where I showed up. [she says, closing her eyes.] Lucas accidentally showed me when you all went.
[a pause. a bit growly:]
But I'm all for that, with the cult. I don't even need a weapon, just let me in there with my bare fucking hands. Me and you, like we said.
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Bare hands for the both of us. Just like we said. Let's tear 'em apart.
[ that was weeks ago. it was one of the first promises they made. ]
I am sorry you had to see that. Lucas showed me what he went through too, so I got some idea of what bein' drugged up that way might've been like. I can't imagine livin' like that for more than a second.
[ he kisses her head. ]
My girl. I just want you catchin' some kinda break.
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You're not going to like to hear it, but I've been through worse. [a little shiver of sad, that settles back into something reassuring.] Thanks - thank you, though, I'd like a break too.
[said with a laugh, a bit wheezy.]
You stay with me, love, and I'll make it. Promise. [and there's a flicker of emotion that's more than just affection - something deeper, something more.]
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that pulse of deep feeling resonates with his. he returns it even more strongly. ]
I'm stayin' with you till the end of everythin'. And I ain't just talkin' about this cult nonsense.
[ he lifts her chin, and whether or not she opens her eyes for him, he tilts his head to take one, two slow and deep kisses. ]
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[she murmurs in agreement. and - he kisses her, and something in her squirms because she knows she's all gross and full of chills and he's still being so affectionate with her. it makes her feel better.
for a moment the words she wants to say crawl up her throat and almost make it out of her mouth, but she's a little too rubbed raw emotionally to deal with it if it somehow goes wrong, so instead she just kisses him back, until she's too dizzy to keep doing it.
and then, weakly amused:]
S'a good thing whatever this is isn't contagious, you silly thing. [...] Wish you could sleep. Think you could use a nap.
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I got a sleep mode. It just ain't easy to wake myself up. Might need your help in that case, if you ain't still feelin' this way when you wake up. You're shiverin' all over...
[ a feeling catches in his throat. he was ready to say it—he just needed to kiss her first, because that feeling was overwhelming. ]
Too much could go wrong in a place like this. I don't wanna take no chances with you anymore.
[ he rests his hand on her cheek, his smile ebbing away naturally, and presses his forehead to hers. his thumb strokes over her tear-stained cheek. those warm words bubble up his throat, form in his teeth and on his tongue, work past his lips and into being. ]
... I love you, Karlach.
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