[ there's nothing left, but it's all so much. he sees rondo, he sees aventurine, he sees aeragan-epharshel, the outer city of baldur's gate in west faerun. the sound of that guitar is only a little more devastating than the engine exploding in his chest.
the pain of being burned alive is unimaginable and inescapable. he screams as the torture goes on, but he doesn't hear his own voice. it's karlach's, and it's the most devastating sound of all. he's thinking about the home that was decimated. he's thinking about the future he never got to have. he's thinking about karlach, karlach, karlach, he's sorry, he's not ready to go just yet, please, not until he sees her—
immediately when he wakes up, boothill's hands pat over his chest, his collarbone, his shoulders, finally his face. everything is his. it's all accounted for except his face is just twisted in agony. his head is pounding.
right. he can't cry. his augmented body has no function to create tears, so the grief piles behind his eyes with nowhere to go.
he sees karlach lying near him and his body moves almost on its own, sitting him up and immediately bridging over her. he doesn't notice until then that his heart is going a mile a minute, blue blood beating in his ears, chest heaving with every labored breath. ]
Karlach.
[ he says it like it hurts. his hand goes to her cheek, to see if she's real. ]
[she is absolutely disoriented, gasping as she sits up, frantically.
for a moment, there's a burst of emotion from her - fright, mostly, the animal kind, feral and primal. she is a very difficult person to scare in general, but this was her worst nightmare. the week she died was everything she never wanted to be, and to be put right back into that mindset has her heart thudding, her pulse jackrabbit fast. not now, not after everything, not when she's got the whole rest of her life with boothill that she's reaching for. she's not ready, not now, she's not ready to go.
and then he's here. like he always is, he's always here right when she needs him, and he's okay. she's not quite aware just yet that he saw what she did, but it doesn't matter - he says her name, and karlach looks at him.
for a second, there's still the panic, the devastation. and then there's relief, and she throws her arms around him and hugs him, clinging so tightly it's almost like she's trying to crawl into him, her tail wrapping tightly around whatever part of him she can reach.
she's real. so is he. she just manages a very choked, wet:] Boothill.
[ boothill leans forward to meet her, catching her in his arms and holding back just as tightly. he climbs over her lap carefully, without pulling away, until he's straddling her thighs. he presses himself against her, bodies flush, and buries his nose into her shoulder. his breaths come out shaky, their two hearts beating against one another as if trying to break out. he can feel hers reverberating against his chest—warm, but not too warm. they both have beating hearts, not engines. they're safe.
he's still just metal parts and wires and chemicals, but all of him hurts. his head catches up with what he saw: a memory, almost, except he lived it with excruciating, terrifying detail. he knows all of the fears in karlach's head during that final week, a raging storm of uncontrolled bloodlust and terror. her guilt was overwhelming. the end was horrifying. she didn't want to die.
boothill runs his fingers in her hair and brushes his lips into her neck and cheek. ]
It's all right. [ his voice is quiet and tight in his throat. ] You're safe. Rondo's here and he's alive. You have your heart back. My sweet girl... I'm so sorry, Karlach. You told me what was goin' on with you, and I knew it must've been so bad for ya', but... it was so much worse than I ever could've imagined.
[ he runs his hand over her back, burying his nose into her shoulder for another moment. he breathes in deeply and kisses her skin. his voice comes muffled: ]
I love you. I love you so much. I wish I could've been there for you.
[it's a relief, his weight in her lap. she wraps her arms around him, one tightly around his waist, the other hooking up across his back to rest her hand against his shoulder. it's a full-bodied thing, the way she holds onto him, pressing her face into his hair. maybe it's a little funny how quickly it makes the fright go away, soothed by the physical grounding of metal, by the way she can feel his human heart ache right along with her own.
karlach breathes in. breathes out. concentrates on making it even. it's hard because she's crying a little, overwhelmed, but she manages to pull in the right amount of air to start clearing her head. less panicking. more letting herself feel it, the lingering misery and - the jolt of oh no that she gets when she realizes that he must've been experiencing the fog, too.]
Oh, don't - don't tell me you had to go through all that.
[but - it doesn't mean she doesn't hear the rest of it. he presses kisses along her skin, and between that and the simple, soothing touch, she's starting to center herself.]
I -- [she starts, and then hiccups. that overwhelmed feeling comes back, but:] I love you. You are here.
[that seems most important to her, over everything. she'll get to the rest of it in a second.]
[ it's so sweet, feeling all of that fright siphon out of her as soon as they wrap themselves into each other. he lets her cry, lets all of his love and care and sorrow envelop her, tying them together. he doesn't start when she seems to make the connection—that he felt everything she did in her nightmare. he just kisses her skin where he can, murmuring beside her ear. ]
I'm here, sweetheart. It's the real me, and I love you too.
[ he remembers all of that pain, the grinding of the engine in his chest, the bloodlust and guilt in karlach's heart. he wishes he could have been there, even if there was nothing he could do to stop her. it was so overwhelming to live through that and being totally alone. ]
You're safe. You've got me and you've got your real heart. I ain't ever gonna leave you for as long as I live.
[she shudders out little sad noises, letting herself soak in the love, the care. holding the sorrow with her, knowing what it means. for a moment, she just lets him take care of her, and it's... amazing, really. to feel this safe with someone. galaxy ranger with a heart of gold, picking her up again and again. to be able to drop the tank act is something that she's desperately needed over time.
there's a scribble of thoughts, and she untangles them bit by bit.]
You were. [she mumbles finally, swallowing hard.] When I got here. All the times after, you're always here for me. It's okay that you weren't, that moment.
[a little sniff.]
You're going to make a face, but I'm sorry you... I'm sorry you felt all that. Every part of it, the engine and... and what I did to Rondo.
Week was bad. I think it's - it's a good thing that I made that wish when I did.
[ he does make a face, and he's glad that she doesn't see it. his face twists, scrunches a little, like tears would be flowing if they could.
if sharing her pain meant lifting some of it from her, he would do it a thousand times over. at the very least, it would help him understand her even more—some truly defining moments of her time here. he can understand more of her relief now that the engine is gone.
but pain is still pain, and there's no way to lift it from her. he just holds her and her sorrow, keeps her in his arms, and presses kisses onto her skin. anything that would bring karlach even some modicum of relief. ]
You did the right thing. [ his voice is still tight, a little warbly. ] You waited till you couldn't no more. I know that now. You did everything you could for everyone around you, and that's what I love about ya'. You deserve a good, long life.
[the little warble to his voice makes her heart ache, but she reaches for his hand and holds it, eyes closed.]
You're so sweet to me. [she says, with a little hiccuppy laugh.] I think that's what I'll be reaching for. A longer story with a couple of really good twists, and a banger of an ending.
[a deep breath.]
... I didn't want to die, but I think - it might have been the best thing to happen to me, here.
[she was absolutely running on empty, and while it's still hard, being here has re-energized her so, so much.]
[ he unwinds his arm from her, sitting back into her thighs, and lets her take his hand. he lifts hers to his mouth and kisses over her fingers. he murmurs to them, brows still furrowed. ]
I wanted you over here bad. Not just for me, but I knew you needed it. I didn't want you sufferin' like that in secret. I just didn't know how bad it was until now. I wish I could cry for ya'.
[ he squeezes her hand, presses it over his chest, and slides his hand back to her cheek. he kisses her softly before looking meaningfully into her eyes. ]
I'm gonna make sure you get that life. We're gonna live every day like it's our last, 'n get the most out of everything we got.
[just - in general. just because she feels like it might be cathartic to do. her fingers trace a little absent pattern over his chest as she soaks up the attention, meeting his gaze.]
But - yeah. I'm with you. Every day we're going to live as hard as we can. And... you were the best twist. [a lame little joke, but she leans to kiss him back, tail swishing absently.] Sorry my memories wanted to torment you a little too.
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no subject
the pain of being burned alive is unimaginable and inescapable. he screams as the torture goes on, but he doesn't hear his own voice. it's karlach's, and it's the most devastating sound of all. he's thinking about the home that was decimated. he's thinking about the future he never got to have. he's thinking about karlach, karlach, karlach, he's sorry, he's not ready to go just yet, please, not until he sees her—
immediately when he wakes up, boothill's hands pat over his chest, his collarbone, his shoulders, finally his face. everything is his. it's all accounted for except his face is just twisted in agony. his head is pounding.
right. he can't cry. his augmented body has no function to create tears, so the grief piles behind his eyes with nowhere to go.
he sees karlach lying near him and his body moves almost on its own, sitting him up and immediately bridging over her. he doesn't notice until then that his heart is going a mile a minute, blue blood beating in his ears, chest heaving with every labored breath. ]
Karlach.
[ he says it like it hurts. his hand goes to her cheek, to see if she's real. ]
no subject
for a moment, there's a burst of emotion from her - fright, mostly, the animal kind, feral and primal. she is a very difficult person to scare in general, but this was her worst nightmare. the week she died was everything she never wanted to be, and to be put right back into that mindset has her heart thudding, her pulse jackrabbit fast. not now, not after everything, not when she's got the whole rest of her life with boothill that she's reaching for. she's not ready, not now, she's not ready to go.
and then he's here. like he always is, he's always here right when she needs him, and he's okay. she's not quite aware just yet that he saw what she did, but it doesn't matter - he says her name, and karlach looks at him.
for a second, there's still the panic, the devastation. and then there's relief, and she throws her arms around him and hugs him, clinging so tightly it's almost like she's trying to crawl into him, her tail wrapping tightly around whatever part of him she can reach.
she's real. so is he. she just manages a very choked, wet:] Boothill.
no subject
he's still just metal parts and wires and chemicals, but all of him hurts. his head catches up with what he saw: a memory, almost, except he lived it with excruciating, terrifying detail. he knows all of the fears in karlach's head during that final week, a raging storm of uncontrolled bloodlust and terror. her guilt was overwhelming. the end was horrifying. she didn't want to die.
boothill runs his fingers in her hair and brushes his lips into her neck and cheek. ]
It's all right. [ his voice is quiet and tight in his throat. ] You're safe. Rondo's here and he's alive. You have your heart back. My sweet girl... I'm so sorry, Karlach. You told me what was goin' on with you, and I knew it must've been so bad for ya', but... it was so much worse than I ever could've imagined.
[ he runs his hand over her back, burying his nose into her shoulder for another moment. he breathes in deeply and kisses her skin. his voice comes muffled: ]
I love you. I love you so much. I wish I could've been there for you.
no subject
karlach breathes in. breathes out. concentrates on making it even. it's hard because she's crying a little, overwhelmed, but she manages to pull in the right amount of air to start clearing her head. less panicking. more letting herself feel it, the lingering misery and - the jolt of oh no that she gets when she realizes that he must've been experiencing the fog, too.]
Oh, don't - don't tell me you had to go through all that.
[but - it doesn't mean she doesn't hear the rest of it. he presses kisses along her skin, and between that and the simple, soothing touch, she's starting to center herself.]
I -- [she starts, and then hiccups. that overwhelmed feeling comes back, but:] I love you. You are here.
[that seems most important to her, over everything. she'll get to the rest of it in a second.]
no subject
I'm here, sweetheart. It's the real me, and I love you too.
[ he remembers all of that pain, the grinding of the engine in his chest, the bloodlust and guilt in karlach's heart. he wishes he could have been there, even if there was nothing he could do to stop her. it was so overwhelming to live through that and being totally alone. ]
You're safe. You've got me and you've got your real heart. I ain't ever gonna leave you for as long as I live.
no subject
there's a scribble of thoughts, and she untangles them bit by bit.]
You were. [she mumbles finally, swallowing hard.] When I got here. All the times after, you're always here for me. It's okay that you weren't, that moment.
[a little sniff.]
You're going to make a face, but I'm sorry you... I'm sorry you felt all that. Every part of it, the engine and... and what I did to Rondo.
Week was bad. I think it's - it's a good thing that I made that wish when I did.
no subject
if sharing her pain meant lifting some of it from her, he would do it a thousand times over. at the very least, it would help him understand her even more—some truly defining moments of her time here. he can understand more of her relief now that the engine is gone.
but pain is still pain, and there's no way to lift it from her. he just holds her and her sorrow, keeps her in his arms, and presses kisses onto her skin. anything that would bring karlach even some modicum of relief. ]
You did the right thing. [ his voice is still tight, a little warbly. ] You waited till you couldn't no more. I know that now. You did everything you could for everyone around you, and that's what I love about ya'. You deserve a good, long life.
no subject
You're so sweet to me. [she says, with a little hiccuppy laugh.] I think that's what I'll be reaching for. A longer story with a couple of really good twists, and a banger of an ending.
[a deep breath.]
... I didn't want to die, but I think - it might have been the best thing to happen to me, here.
[she was absolutely running on empty, and while it's still hard, being here has re-energized her so, so much.]
no subject
I wanted you over here bad. Not just for me, but I knew you needed it. I didn't want you sufferin' like that in secret. I just didn't know how bad it was until now. I wish I could cry for ya'.
[ he squeezes her hand, presses it over his chest, and slides his hand back to her cheek. he kisses her softly before looking meaningfully into her eyes. ]
I'm gonna make sure you get that life. We're gonna live every day like it's our last, 'n get the most out of everything we got.
no subject
[just - in general. just because she feels like it might be cathartic to do. her fingers trace a little absent pattern over his chest as she soaks up the attention, meeting his gaze.]
But - yeah. I'm with you. Every day we're going to live as hard as we can. And... you were the best twist. [a lame little joke, but she leans to kiss him back, tail swishing absently.] Sorry my memories wanted to torment you a little too.
[with aventurine, and the monster trauma.]
no subject
What'd I say before, huh? You've got nothin' to apologize for.
[ even though his inclination is also to apologize, to say he wished she didn't need to see those parts of his hurt either. ]
I s'pose the both of us got guilt we're still hangin' onto. ...You ever get to talk with Rondo 'bout all this?