[god. her heart squeezes in her chest, in empathy.]
She's adorable. [karlach says, soft.] I'm sorry.
[she keeps touching, just to have the connection.]
Maybe we could find a way to get pictures. We can see her that way - can anybody here draw? We could get a painting of her based on your memories, if you thought it wouldn't be too much.
[ he smiles, almost immediately soothed. he takes karlach's hand and kisses her fingers. ]
You don't worry have to worry 'bout it none, sweetheart. I remember her clear as day. I am glad you got to see her once. And, well... how I looked before all of this happened.
[she watches him kiss her fingers, expression still soft, and then:]
You looked good. [just a hint of teasing, but she's still mostly serious, settling back down.] Would you want that again? To go back to being flesh and blood?
[ he's ready to quip back (you like him better than the upgraded version? should i go beat his behind?), but it's emotionshare. the mood settles back into that mild melancholy before it dives back into regret, frustration, hints of raw anger under the surface. (things she might even find familiar to her.) ]
You only get to where I am when you've got nothing else left to lose. You dedicate yourself to the Galaxy Ranger code and you stick to it without looking back. I never did once. There wasn't anythin' left to look behind at anyway.
[ how much is too much? there's apprehension as he looks at karlach's hand. despite their strong connection, they're still getting to know each other. there's no way of ensuring that something like this is permanent. so he just keeps his voice low, running his thumb along the row of her fingers. ]
[yeah. yeah, she knows those emotions really, really well, and she knows the struggle. the coin flip between being furious that it happened, aching to have something stolen from you, and it being useful, being the thing keeping you from being picked off.
there was nothing left to lose, he says - like the hells. galaxy rangers code, and the blood war. karlach lets that sit for a moment, thinking. it's a trend she's heard from a lot of the people she really cares about, lately. nothing to look forward to, nothing to look back at, no reason to have something nice.
there's no way to know if this could be permanent, but still.]
... Yeah? [coaxing.] It's never too late to find things you want to hold onto.
[ he meets her eyes, watching her intensely. she'll feel that slight, familiar fear of having something you'd do anything not to lose. she'll feel his hatred and vengeance for those who took everything away from him. and then there's longing for what he lost and might be able to have: a home and someone to share it with.
he slides his fingers between hers and brings their clasped hands over his chest. ]
Yeah. I learned that 'bout five or six weeks ago.
[ when they met. he closes his eyes. ]
But this operation I got ain't reversible. Regrettin' it now won't do a dadgum thing.
[a little smile, at that. she squeezes his hand in her own, resting their clasped hands against his chest. every time he says something sweet like that, he gets to feel how happy it makes her, and, maybe stupidly, how shy she feels, deep down. like she can't quite believe that he feels the same way as she does.
but that fades after a moment, settling back down into something gently concerned. her tail wriggles a bit and comes over to drape over his waist.]
It's not impossible. [she says, quietly.] I thought it was for me, right? With my heart. But it wasn't. Maybe you haven't got space to regret it, but you can still hope.
If you want to, if you want to reverse it, I'll find you a way.
[ those little swells of happiness and bashfulness and disbelief roll over him like a tide. he answers each of them with his own, even in the wake of his stormy feelings. there's a small surge of it when that familiar tail finds its way around him again, easing him closer.
she is right, though. she did make the impossible happen—not alone and not without some sacrifice, but it happened. they can't discount the impossible while they're here. he's never considered the possibility of it until now.
it would mean giving up life as a galaxy ranger. even with boothill as a human, there are chances to rid the cosmos of oswaldo schneider. but there would be no more hopping on freighters, no more protecting the innocents on other planets, no bulletproof body to shield him from those who would hunt him down.
but he's not the only galaxy ranger out there. there will always be people to protect, endlessly, forever, but sharing a life with someone—karlach, hopefully—would only come once.
she'll feel his indecision in the midst of his affection for her. he presses his forehead to hers and closes his eyes. ]
You sweet thing. You ain't doin' a thing on your own no more.
[ he squeezes her hand. ]
I've got a lot to think on. But if we gotta go lookin' for it, we're doin' it together. You got that?
[it's a huge decision, and she doesn't blame him for needing the time to think about it. her own engine being gone was important because she was going to combust, if it wasn't replaced, but still. there's limits, now. karlach gave up a bit of indestructibility, a bit of a machine that allowed her to destroy anything in her path. it wasn't always bad. mostly bad, but.
she doesn't think it'll stop her much. protecting people has always been her thing, even before she got her heart pulled out of her chest. a life spent with someone - boothill, hopefully - could have so much to it. a home, a place to settle down, and the freedom to pick their battles. it's something she wants to take time with.
both of them can. they've got to even get out of here alive, to start.
so - when he leans forward and closes his eyes, she noses at him, and lets her content and - more importantly, her hope for the future - wash over them both.]
Yeah. Together. I got it. [agreed.] You let me know, soldier. Whatever you want, we'll find it.
[there's relief, in that. not having to be alone.]
[ from this close, boothill can feel the brush of her eyelashes on his cheek. he tilts his head and slowly closes his lips over hers, as if to seal a promise. there's another strong surge of happiness.
when he draws back, he meets her eye and strokes his thumb over her knuckle. ]
[her tail does a little wriggly joy movement, when she feels that happiness.
the question gets her to go quiet though, thinking. what does she want? after everything, after getting her heart back, it's hard to think of something else. that was what she wanted for so long that she's just content with having it. but.]
I want to go home. [she says, finally. she brings his hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles.] I want to see everybody again. Famine promised he'd make it happen, being able to visit, and I'm going to believe him.
[a beat.]
Might like a family, maybe. Someday. [that shy feeling again...] Go adventuring, see the world.
[a bit of relief, in a silly way. like she's glad that he responds positively to those things.]
It's - big, honestly. The cities are nice - especially Baldur's Gate, that's home, and I fucking adore it - but outside those it's so green. Everything around here is so dead and rotted in comparison to how vibrant it is. All the magic infused in everything, right?
You know the place that came up a while ago, the one with the magic academy and the big glowing tree? A lot of things in Faerun are like that.
It's not exactly my specialty. Most magic I can do is talk to animals sometimes. A greataxe or a two-hander does good work, and I like the rush. [sometimes, you are a barbarian.] But it's part of life in Faerun, so you'd see it!
[a beat, as she tucks his hair behind his ear.]
I'd like for you to see it. If you wanted. If we could.
the vibes turn a little somber here. still, he kisses her throat, coaxing those warm little sounds out of her. he strokes his thumb along the bare skin beneath her bandeau. ]
We got different races all over the cosmos. Don't think you'd stand out too much. ...I ain't got a home planet though anyway. In the market for a new one.
[she's about as liquid as one, honestly, with the way he strokes at her. she's getting sleepy, warm under the covers with him, arching lazily into the touch.
the somber vibes get a little pulse of empathy, of wanting to comfort.]
I don't want to just assume anything, but - you could stay with me. [...] It's not a replacement for the place you came from, but...
[ you know, i'm most jealous of people who have houses to live in.
he's said it before. that sentiment rises up in his again now—resentment, sadness, anger towards the ipc. now, though, there's a bit of quiet, careful hope and fear of loss. ]
That's an awful big commitment, Miss Karlach. You sure about that?
[a pause, and she shifts so that she can take his face in her warm hands. she strokes his cheek with her thumb.]
Wouldn't offer if I wasn't. [she meets his gaze, certain.] You haven't got to say yes. I know it's a lot, I know we're still... figuring things out, we've only even just been able to talk face to face again.
But I'd like it. I'd like to make it work, with you.
[ as soon as her hands reach his face, the melancholy recedes. he looks deeply in her gold eyes and lets their warmth seep in and fill everything. he holds her arm, keeps her waist in his grip and resists the urge to kiss her breathless just so he can speak. ]
I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure it does, so long as you still want me. You turned my whole world around. [ he kisses the corner of her mouth and murmurs close. ] Let's go adventurin', you and me. When we get tired, we'll settle down anywhere you like. That'll be home enough for me.
[there's so many little bursts of emotion at that - happiness, and relief, and a sort of positive anxiousness, the desire for things to work.
she meets him for that kiss, and she steals a bit more, unable to help herself - being able to touch him (being able to touch at all, what a dream) has her greedy for all the contact she can get. it's been a long few weeks! and right now, with him looking her directly in the eye and telling her she changed things for him, she's having such a hard time not just letting out a little eeee of excitement. as is, she has to pull away slightly because she's giggling like an idiot.]
You haven't got to keep saying that, either. [she says, warmly, pressing her forehead against his firmly.] I'm not going to stop wanting you.
[but - more seriously:]
Let's go adventuring. [agreed.] I want to show you everything, I want you to show me everything, and - we can have a home in each other until we find a place worth putting roots down in.
[ that joy is all the way back again, thrumming like a beating heart. he returns every single delighted kiss, nearly breaking them with smiles and soft laughter before taking more. she's adorable and so dorky and silly, and all of that is infectious even without emotionshare.
he leans up into her forehead touch again, brushing their noses. his heartbeat leaps. I'm never going to stop wanting you. he's lost so many things before, but he wants to believe this. ]
That right there sounds like an absolute dream.
[ is this real? he's beginning to question it too. he can't be this content in a place like this, hearing everything he wants to hear and knowing she wants it too. ]
I'll take ya' everywhere worth seein'. We'll hop on some ships and get around to all kinds of worlds. Cash in on a few bounties, find us only the finest and rowdiest taverns in every star system, settle down and watch a sky full of shootin' stars and flyin' whales, prettier than pictures. I wanna see all of your home too, even the rough parts.
[she says, fervently. that's all she wants - exactly what he's just described to her. she can almost picture it, sitting out in the grass at night, hand in hand, watching the sky. she can, now. she won't burn out. and if they can - if he wants it, all of him can be human, not just his heart.]
It's not all that different in Faerun, you know? Bounties and the grittiest taverns full of people who'd steal every last coin out of your pocket, but. You go out into the wild and you stand on the cliffs at night and the wind's fucking bracing, and the sky goes on forever, and you can feel the Weave in every breath.
It's fucking brilliant. I can't wait to share it with you.
[god. there's that hope again. it was burnt out, after the long weeks trying to keep everybody up, but this is the fan to the flame she needed. she's got drive again. it feels so good, and she shares it with him, tail curling tightly around his waist.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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She's adorable. [karlach says, soft.] I'm sorry.
[she keeps touching, just to have the connection.]
Maybe we could find a way to get pictures. We can see her that way - can anybody here draw? We could get a painting of her based on your memories, if you thought it wouldn't be too much.
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You don't worry have to worry 'bout it none, sweetheart. I remember her clear as day. I am glad you got to see her once. And, well... how I looked before all of this happened.
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[she watches him kiss her fingers, expression still soft, and then:]
You looked good. [just a hint of teasing, but she's still mostly serious, settling back down.] Would you want that again? To go back to being flesh and blood?
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You only get to where I am when you've got nothing else left to lose. You dedicate yourself to the Galaxy Ranger code and you stick to it without looking back. I never did once. There wasn't anythin' left to look behind at anyway.
[ how much is too much? there's apprehension as he looks at karlach's hand. despite their strong connection, they're still getting to know each other. there's no way of ensuring that something like this is permanent. so he just keeps his voice low, running his thumb along the row of her fingers. ]
...Been wonderin' about it more lately, though.
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there was nothing left to lose, he says - like the hells. galaxy rangers code, and the blood war. karlach lets that sit for a moment, thinking. it's a trend she's heard from a lot of the people she really cares about, lately. nothing to look forward to, nothing to look back at, no reason to have something nice.
there's no way to know if this could be permanent, but still.]
... Yeah? [coaxing.] It's never too late to find things you want to hold onto.
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he slides his fingers between hers and brings their clasped hands over his chest. ]
Yeah. I learned that 'bout five or six weeks ago.
[ when they met. he closes his eyes. ]
But this operation I got ain't reversible. Regrettin' it now won't do a dadgum thing.
no subject
but that fades after a moment, settling back down into something gently concerned. her tail wriggles a bit and comes over to drape over his waist.]
It's not impossible. [she says, quietly.] I thought it was for me, right? With my heart. But it wasn't. Maybe you haven't got space to regret it, but you can still hope.
If you want to, if you want to reverse it, I'll find you a way.
[no question. she'll make it happen, somehow.]
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she is right, though. she did make the impossible happen—not alone and not without some sacrifice, but it happened. they can't discount the impossible while they're here. he's never considered the possibility of it until now.
it would mean giving up life as a galaxy ranger. even with boothill as a human, there are chances to rid the cosmos of oswaldo schneider. but there would be no more hopping on freighters, no more protecting the innocents on other planets, no bulletproof body to shield him from those who would hunt him down.
but he's not the only galaxy ranger out there. there will always be people to protect, endlessly, forever, but sharing a life with someone—karlach, hopefully—would only come once.
she'll feel his indecision in the midst of his affection for her. he presses his forehead to hers and closes his eyes. ]
You sweet thing. You ain't doin' a thing on your own no more.
[ he squeezes her hand. ]
I've got a lot to think on. But if we gotta go lookin' for it, we're doin' it together. You got that?
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she doesn't think it'll stop her much. protecting people has always been her thing, even before she got her heart pulled out of her chest. a life spent with someone - boothill, hopefully - could have so much to it. a home, a place to settle down, and the freedom to pick their battles. it's something she wants to take time with.
both of them can. they've got to even get out of here alive, to start.
so - when he leans forward and closes his eyes, she noses at him, and lets her content and - more importantly, her hope for the future - wash over them both.]
Yeah. Together. I got it. [agreed.] You let me know, soldier. Whatever you want, we'll find it.
[there's relief, in that. not having to be alone.]
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when he draws back, he meets her eye and strokes his thumb over her knuckle. ]
Now, you tell me. What does Miss Karlach want?
[ now and in the future. ]
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the question gets her to go quiet though, thinking. what does she want? after everything, after getting her heart back, it's hard to think of something else. that was what she wanted for so long that she's just content with having it. but.]
I want to go home. [she says, finally. she brings his hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles.] I want to see everybody again. Famine promised he'd make it happen, being able to visit, and I'm going to believe him.
[a beat.]
Might like a family, maybe. Someday. [that shy feeling again...] Go adventuring, see the world.
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[ family gets another surge of warmth, as does adventuring. clearly she doesn't need to be shy about things they both want. ]
What's your home like, anyhow? Must have a great outdoors since ya' like it so much.
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It's - big, honestly. The cities are nice - especially Baldur's Gate, that's home, and I fucking adore it - but outside those it's so green. Everything around here is so dead and rotted in comparison to how vibrant it is. All the magic infused in everything, right?
You know the place that came up a while ago, the one with the magic academy and the big glowing tree? A lot of things in Faerun are like that.
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[ the emotions are curious... and there's a little bit of longing too. ]
But if the place is green 'n vibrant, already sounds like somewhere I'd wanna see for myself.
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[a beat, as she tucks his hair behind his ear.]
I'd like for you to see it. If you wanted. If we could.
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[ he grins. he loves you, big beautiful violent red woman. he leans in and kisses her chin, again under her jaw. ]
'Course I want to. Let's hope Famine finds a way. I'd go with ya' anywhere, 'specially since you love that place so dadgum much.
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I'll get on his ass about it, then. [she jokes.] You'd be a sight, in my world. Granted, I'd be a sight in yours, probably.
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the vibes turn a little somber here. still, he kisses her throat, coaxing those warm little sounds out of her. he strokes his thumb along the bare skin beneath her bandeau. ]
We got different races all over the cosmos. Don't think you'd stand out too much. ...I ain't got a home planet though anyway. In the market for a new one.
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the somber vibes get a little pulse of empathy, of wanting to comfort.]
I don't want to just assume anything, but - you could stay with me. [...] It's not a replacement for the place you came from, but...
I want you to have a home. Even if we travel.
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he's said it before. that sentiment rises up in his again now—resentment, sadness, anger towards the ipc. now, though, there's a bit of quiet, careful hope and fear of loss. ]
That's an awful big commitment, Miss Karlach. You sure about that?
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Wouldn't offer if I wasn't. [she meets his gaze, certain.] You haven't got to say yes. I know it's a lot, I know we're still... figuring things out, we've only even just been able to talk face to face again.
But I'd like it. I'd like to make it work, with you.
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I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure it does, so long as you still want me. You turned my whole world around. [ he kisses the corner of her mouth and murmurs close. ] Let's go adventurin', you and me. When we get tired, we'll settle down anywhere you like. That'll be home enough for me.
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she meets him for that kiss, and she steals a bit more, unable to help herself - being able to touch him (being able to touch at all, what a dream) has her greedy for all the contact she can get. it's been a long few weeks! and right now, with him looking her directly in the eye and telling her she changed things for him, she's having such a hard time not just letting out a little eeee of excitement. as is, she has to pull away slightly because she's giggling like an idiot.]
You haven't got to keep saying that, either. [she says, warmly, pressing her forehead against his firmly.] I'm not going to stop wanting you.
[but - more seriously:]
Let's go adventuring. [agreed.] I want to show you everything, I want you to show me everything, and - we can have a home in each other until we find a place worth putting roots down in.
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he leans up into her forehead touch again, brushing their noses. his heartbeat leaps. I'm never going to stop wanting you. he's lost so many things before, but he wants to believe this. ]
That right there sounds like an absolute dream.
[ is this real? he's beginning to question it too. he can't be this content in a place like this, hearing everything he wants to hear and knowing she wants it too. ]
I'll take ya' everywhere worth seein'. We'll hop on some ships and get around to all kinds of worlds. Cash in on a few bounties, find us only the finest and rowdiest taverns in every star system, settle down and watch a sky full of shootin' stars and flyin' whales, prettier than pictures. I wanna see all of your home too, even the rough parts.
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[she says, fervently. that's all she wants - exactly what he's just described to her. she can almost picture it, sitting out in the grass at night, hand in hand, watching the sky. she can, now. she won't burn out. and if they can - if he wants it, all of him can be human, not just his heart.]
It's not all that different in Faerun, you know? Bounties and the grittiest taverns full of people who'd steal every last coin out of your pocket, but. You go out into the wild and you stand on the cliffs at night and the wind's fucking bracing, and the sky goes on forever, and you can feel the Weave in every breath.
It's fucking brilliant. I can't wait to share it with you.
[god. there's that hope again. it was burnt out, after the long weeks trying to keep everybody up, but this is the fan to the flame she needed. she's got drive again. it feels so good, and she shares it with him, tail curling tightly around his waist.]
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